…whether I truly hate the “rat race”, or whether I’m just malicious to those who are constantly performing, constantly competing, constantly doing something productive just because I can’t be that way, and I label them as rats and scoff at them.

What would you call it if you neither wanted to go to sleep, nor stay awake, because it wasn’t worth it to remain conscious, and sleep provided no haven either? In wakefulness, you frown and exist like a burden, and then when you think about it at night, sleep becomes the burden, weighed down by insipid dreams.

I am selfish, I’ll admit. I look for others to love me, appreciate me, and I miss it, because I left behind one who did. You don’t really realize what you’ve lost until you lose it.

Logic tells me that all I need is a little time. Things work out, like they always do, in one way or another. The first year of engineering wasn’t amazing either, was it? Somebody always comes along. All I need is a little time…a little time.

Until then, I admit…I’m homesick.