I’ve been struggling to come up with this metaphor for quite some time. I like thinking we’re all like pieces of a giant jigsaw puzzle. We figure out others who complement us and stick together, we form groups. The purpose of a jigsaw puzzle is that it fits in, it belongs with others. That’s the problem I’ve been facing. I see myself as a particularly complicated piece that doesn’t quite belong anywhere, like it’s out of shape.

I’m quite sure that I may not be as mis-shapen a piece of jigsaw puzzle as I think I am. I have a cynical, pessimistic approach to life that I seem to be proud of. I see the world in all its black, white and grey glory, and I seem to find myself attracted to the blacks. People disappoint me, petty and squabbling as they are. And yet, my contradiction arises from the fact that I want to be accepted. I find that my ideals resonate with very few people; maybe that’s why I try so hard to find people I can be myself with and be accepted in my entirety.

My other problem is that I look for perfection in everything. I hype things up, because I like thinking that we’re all living storybook lives, that we all count for something, that there’s a big picture in life. Maybe there isn’t. Maybe life’s big picture is a collage of all the small things. Maybe there is no ‘maybe’.

Anyway. I’m digressing from what I wanted to write about.

There’s a girl. I like the way she thinks. I want to like her, but I don’t know her well enough. That’s about as much background information you’ll need.

What I’ve been thinking about is why I’ve been thinking about her so much, why I’ve been hyping her up. I think I’ve highlighted the answer in this post, hidden behind my incoherent sentences somewhere. (The incoherence wasn’t on purpose, by the way. I guess I’m just not very good at articulating the not very well formed thoughts in my over-active brain.)

~Fin~