The more you close your mind to what you don’t want to hear, the more satisfied you get. However, this comes at a terrible price. When you close your mind to what you think you don’t want to hear, you’re inadvertently closing your mind to new ideas. At the same time, this presents a paradox. It’s quite easy to keep your mind open to everything, at least to become aware of other perspectives, and then change your beliefs about certain things or develop new ones based on the new perspectives you see. Sometimes, these new thoughts, opinions or ideologies may vary greatly (and in some cases, oppose completely) your “original” beliefs. Then you ask yourself what the hell is going on? You never thought you’d change your mind about something, and here you are, seriously considering an alternative. What happened to you? How could you have changed so easily? If you can change your beliefs so quickly, then isn’t it possible that you do not have the fortitude to preserve yourself?

1. Unless you keep your mind open to new ideas, you will never have the courage to accept that your current beliefs could be wrong, and you will never be able to improve on them.
2. No one was made what they are. There is no one, unchangeable you. There is no real YOU that you ought to be looking for. You are what you are now. You are your constantly evolving psyche.

Basically, what I’m saying is that it’s important to keep an open mind, even at the risk of losing what you assume is your identity.

Thanks to Sanjana for helping me find a word that I didn’t recollect at first.

I won’t die, for not believing your lie
I believe that you’re high, and it’s MY God in the sky.

I’m here, adding fuel to your fear
And if you don’t adhere, you will disappear.

Your skin is darker than mine
WILL NOT TOLERATE!
You don’t believe in my God
WILL NOT TOLERATE!
Oh you won’t sing my song?
WILL NOT TOLERATE!
Just want to get along?
WILL NOT TOLERATE!

You think you’re better than me
WILL NOT TOLERATE!
You won’t adopt my beliefs
WILL NOT TOLERATE!
You live in peace while I seethe
WILL NOT TOLERATE!
You breathe the air that I breathe!
WILL NOT TOLERATE!

You live in my world and I
WILL NOT TOLERATE
You disrespecting my rules!
WILL NOT TOLERATE!
You’re everything that’s not me!
And I will not tolerate you!
YOUR DEATH WILL SET ME FREE.

Lying in my place of serenity,
Trees blow me a kiss.
In this love-strewn place I rest,
Nothing is amiss.

In and out of sleep I drift,
Dreams and reality intertwine -
Butterflies form a dancing troupe
The squirrel’s a pantomime.

I smell your skin, I feel your warmth
You keep me from going under.
You brought me back from my personal abyss,
To your love and will, I surrender.

I felt the sun go down at 12pm today
Mid-day, mid-life, nowhere my head to lay
With fragments of a broken mind
My thoughts are of unholy kind
Lost everything that I hold dear
Hopelessness giving birth to fear
This will not end until I break
Until I sleep and never wake.

The following is a letter I wrote to a former best friend (she was my girlfriend for some time too). I wrote it in the bus on the way to college. The person for whom the letter was written has not read the letter, and I doubt she ever will, because at the time of writing this, we were on the path to the recovery of our friendship (after we’d broken up, of course), but now we’re not on talking terms, apparently. She will not be named, but I guess you know who it is anyway. Sadly, it’s not dated, but I guess it was written sometime around Feb-Apr, 2006.

Sorry for my crappy handwriting. I’m writing this in the bus on the way to college at 8.00am, listening to Godsmack’s version of “Sweet Leaf” as loud as my MP3 player can play it, drowning out (or attempting to drown out) all the other sounds, staring at the grey world outside. After days of scorching pre-summer heat, it rained last night, and like Birdman’s conjugate, I seem to draw fresh life from the rain. Sky Grey is officially my new favourite colour. I can’t put in words with pen and paper the way this weather makes me feel, amplified by the very effective amplifier of the MP3 player… it’s like a reason to live, all over again. It’s good to be alive to be able to look at the beauty of this world and know that I’m still here. It’s insane the way one thought leads to another and I’m conscious now of how I may be one of the only people on this bus to feel something of this magnitude just because of the colour of the sky…

My thoughts also wonder to one of the last poems I wrote – the central theme of which is my loneliness… And since you’re etched so deeply in my past, each one of my thoughts seems to bring me a memory of you. Do you remember how you once considered yourself The Lone Wolf before you met me? I feel like that now. I am alone, and although it hurts sometimes, I’m getting used to it. I also live in the hope that She’s out there, waiting. All of a sudden, on the MP3 player, Savage Garden – “I knew I loved you before I met you…”. I’m smiling… I’m fine, I’m always fine… I don’t know if you still think of yourself as the Lone Wolf, but now I do… I’ve only been in love once, and I’ve never been the same ever since… Sorry if anything I just wrote was wrong or hurtful… I just wanted you to read my mind again.

Love,
Gurdit
(The Lonely … )